Title: The Darkwater Adventurer’s Guild
Author: K.L. Coones
Publisher: K.L. Coones
Rating: 2.5 Stars
I was stuck for a long time, because I take reviews for authors I know, first. And, I’ve taken my time with this review, because…
Every time I try to read this at night, I fall asleep. And not quite as cutely as Kirby. I fall asleep more like…
As you may or may not have noticed, I am the insomniac bee. And the insomniac bee has finally slept, thanks to this book! Yay! A cure!
This book is not bad, per se. But, it has a Tolkien ring to it, that just makes me want to sleep. Soo badly. Tolkien’s olden language loses me often.
The writing is good, especially for a self-published author. Mad respects to you, K.L. Coones, for having a book that has good grammar, and paragraphs that form sentences and ideas. But….
Read this in the daylight. Don’t be a vampire, like me. Actually, do be the vampire. Be one that doesn’t burn in the sun. Be the sparkly type.
Now. Let’s talk about boxes.
I HATE BOXES! Unfortunately, The Darkwater Adventurer’s Guild sits in the middle of the box.
To see how, let’s head over to…
KIM’S STEREOTYPE LIST! … In a sing-song-y voice.
- The young protagonist who is just oh-so-speshul.
- The guild.
- The best friends who just can’t be as speshul as the main character is.
- That best friend who has a country accent.
- The snobby but beautiful girl, that’s oh- connected to him, somehow. Is it… Fate?
- The mean bully, who’s stupid and GI-GAN-TIC!
- The nice teacher, who’s like, super, super cool.
- The not-so-nice teacher who’s like, super, super un-cool.
- And dwarves!
… And more.
This book has me grieving, because it was just a little too much like Hogwarts and Middle Earth combined.
And if you don’t know what those are, shame on you! Now, Hogwarts and Middle Earth are beautiful places, but they’ve been appearing in novels where they don’t belong much too often. The book is much too much like both of these places for my taste. So this brought the star rating down 1 star and a half.
Let’s head over and meet the main characters now, shall we?
Ralik. There’s nothing much to say about Ralik. He is the chosen one. Brave. Quick. Likable. A good, common fantasy hero. Of the Tolkien type. But after reading the entire novel, I don’t really feel as if I connected with him much. He’s <s>speshul</s> special, though, no doubt about that.
“The birds nipped at Doran when he tried to touch them, but they allowed Ralik to stroke their smooth feathers and tickle them under their beaks. ‘Why don’t they try to bite you?’ Ralik could only shrug.”
I agree with Doran. Why don’t they try to bite you, Ralik?
Doran. Ah, Doran. Poor, poor Doran, actually. I always feel sad for these types of characters. He only stands to make Ralik more special.
When an incident with a horse happens, Ralik comes to the rescue, telling him that he was brushing the wrong way. THE WRONG WAY!
Err. What the hell is happening here. What are the teachers doing, too? I don’t have a horse, and I instinctively know to not brush the wrong way. It goes against logic. Poor, poor Doran can’t do anything. Actually, scratch that. He could do stuff, before the main meat of the story began. He could steal keys, and trick the bully. But once the guild came in…
Alright, let’s focus on the bully now. Let me say something. I LOVE a good villain. Ones that are smart, know just the right way to hurt you. Draco Malfoy was a perfect example of a smart bully, actually. Loved him. Ones that are slightly insane, too. Or maybe, full-blown insane. Joker, anybody? Good villains add tension to the story, make you care for the protagonist, and all sorts of good things. Unfortunately, I was not happy with Studus.
That’s Studus. What really cemented my dislike for Studus was this, though. Studus threatened Ralik. It was a horrible situation, really.
But then, he threatened Ralik to go steal a tomato for him. Uh, Studus? How much of a pig are you? No wonder you’re so big, at 12.
And Ralik’s like, “OH NOES! Imma get expelled for stealing a tomato!! The world doth be over!” But he does it for his lady love.
Now, if you ask me who my most disliked character is. It’s his lady love. Lelana.
Lelana is an elf who is beautiful,
go figure and an elf.
Coones tries to make her fierce-willed. Strong. But she’s snobbish, not fierce-willed. Weak, not strong. She doesn’t thank people for their help. Neither is she able to protect herself. Neither can she do anything to stop Studus’s bullying. If someone tried to trip me, I’d thank the person who caught me, then step on the person’s foot who tried to trip me. Hard. Or kick them in the balls. Or both. I’d give the person a tongue-lashing. I get that Lelana wouldn’t do that. AND THAT KILLS ME!
No matter how much you try, Lelana is a damsel-in-distress in disguise. And that’s just not my cup of tea. I’m not the type of girl who sits down and endures silently.
And that, is what made me knock it down to the World of Meh.
Recommended For: Tolkien lovers, elf lovers, academy lovers. Head on over to buy it!
~ Thank you to K.L. Coones for the book in return for an honest review!
~ Read on a Nook, so page quotes do not have page numbers.